The Invisible Man

I had an experience yesterday that was both curious & mildly disturbing.
Apparently, I became invisible for a brief span of time. Which struck me as curious as I did not have on my magic belt of invisibility, nor was I aware of any time/space phase distortions in the area.
However, none the less, I became invisible, not in the way that a baby does when he closes his eyes & thinks nobody can see him because he can’t see anyone else. My eyes were wide open, I was speaking and yet those spoken to either ignored me or could not perceive my existence as a human being. That was the mildly disturbing part.
What is also curious/disturbing is that the people that were unable to perceive my “place in their space” as it were, are acquaintances. People that had never meet me before last night seemed to have no problem interacting with me, the invisible man. Perhaps they had special powers that allowed them to see me.

Now, it could be, as was pointed out to me by my beloved in very delicate phrasing, I am just not that memorable, after all, she reminded me after I told her of my bizarre experience, it was almost a 1 1/2 yeara in one case and 1 year in the other that we have interacted. But I have trouble biting that one for a few reasons, maybe most notably my ego. Not that I take a huge amount of pride in being me, but even my dad says I am “a bit eccentric”. I have a thick gray beard, wear my long hair in a ponytail, have both ears pierced with “gauged ear rings”, wear flip flops most of time and am not exactly what one would think of as average size, not huge mind you, just bigger than your average pirate. I am also not very shy & engage in conversation with people readily, even willing to discuss some of the easily misunderstood aspects of our family life choices, like homeschooling. So, in my prodigious psyche, I think I probably leave an impression. Certainly not one you forget in a year’s time.

In the 1 1/2 year case, a couple came into the gym I had my girls at doing team sports. We have interacted at the very least several times with this couple. Their daughters have been to our house at least a few times, with mom staying to chat at least once for a good length of time with my beloved & me. Our daughters have been to their house several times, generally with my beloved in tow & having a least a few prolonged times of discourse in their home. I met the supposedly “anti-social” husband a few times when picking everyone up and he was true to his reputation, so I did not take offence.

Now this couple had my daughters, beloved, & I over for New Years eve celebrations last year, which is where I was introduced to the “1 year” case. It was a very small party, with less than 12 adults attending. Most of the children hung out downstairs playing games & what not and most of the adults sat around the kitchen table talking. A not insignificant portion of time was spent getting to know my beloved & I, as we were the “new couple” so to speak. Several of them, when told, knew exactly which house we lived in (small town), with the “1 year” case actually living just around the corner about two blocks away. I am much more verbose than my beloved, though she is not as reticent as she was in her younger days, so I would have to say I did more of the talking with regard to “who we are” than she did. Our choice to homeschool was a subject of interest and given some of the reactions, not entirely settling. However, I thought “that” conversation as well as the rest of the evening was stimulating and enjoyable.

We lost regular contact with the “1 1/2 year” case when the mother & daughters left the state temporarily while rebuilding their home after being devastated by IKE. And we never really established a relationship with the “1 year”case, though we lived just around the corner from each other. However, when seeing each other on occasion as people in a small town, on a small island are prone to do, we were always cordial. I always make it a point to say hello to people I am familiar with when passing as it seems the friendly thing to do. I generally leave room for more dialogue to take place, but I, like them, may be trying get something accomplished, so I don’t think too much about it if they need to go about their business.

Last night’s experience was not one of those, “I am grabbing groceries for dinner & gotta go” instances. We were in a foyer watching our children playing in the gym. We weren’t more than 30 feet from each other at any given time. The woman I am most familiar with did reply to my hello to her, but then I “disappeared”, her “anti-social” husband came in and he too replied to me hello, but again I mysteriously disappeared. The man of the “1 year” case simply did not acknowledge my hello, and began to engage with the other couple as well as a few people I didn’t know. I tried on several occasions to engage in dialogue over a period of 30 minutes with these people, but with NO RESPONSE. Not the ugh look, rolled eyes of “please get away from me”, or glare of “why the hell are you talking to me” or even the terse reply that obviously signals “you are not welcome to play in our reindeer game Rudolf”. Just nothing, no averted gaze even, it was if I was invisible & inaudible. That I didn’t exist.

I have to tell you, I was perplexed as am not inclined to believe the sci-fi scenario that I slipped into the fringe universe and they couldn’t perceive me. I am left to conclude they were “freezing me out”. I can’t imagine why. I have been told recently by someone very close to me that I am full of shit, and need to learn boundaries, but in this case I cannot fathom a reason for a “freeze out”. I have never had a disagreement or conflict with them or really anyone on this island.

My perplexion at this is furthered by my own understanding of the “freeze out”. In my mind to do so, is the strongest action I could take against a human that is not violent. It is deeper than screaming in their face, deeper than the “I’m not talking to you, right now!” To ignore someone to such a degree as to not acknowledge their presence, is to state their absolute worthlessness as a human, “you aren’t even worth my anger, or even the breath it takes to say “leave me alone” they just don’t exist. To be honest, I have never done it to anyone, although there are about 4 people living that I feel that way about, I just am not capable of moving on from the “anger” part of that action. The people I think deserve such treatment, I simply have too much anger towards for me to successfully pull off a “freeze out”.

Perhaps, they were communicating my boundaries to me by not responding to innocuous conversational statements I directed to them and I was not recognizing their boundaries. Perhaps, I am not as memorable as I think, and they didn’t know who the hell this freak was talking to them in such a familiar manner. Perhaps, the mundane & trivial banter they were engaged in required more focus than I realized and they were simply not aware that I was speaking to them. Or maybe Galveston Island has some freaky fringe universe wormholes & I brushed into one of them last night. Or maybe I am just having a pity party resulting from being ignored.

Whatever the case, I will let it slide for my daughters sakes. The daughters of these adults are my daughters friendly acquaintances, and they don’t have many on the island. So I won’t rock the boat in hopes that it was just a bizarre occurrence in my life or one that I somehow deserve.

But it is a very odd feeling to be invisible.